MAKING AMENDS: JOY!! (Post 183)
April 27, 2026
Step 9:
Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
- Gamblers Anonymous 12 Steps of Recovery Program
www.gamblersanonymous.org
Before April and the liturgical Easter Season slip away, I want to catch up! As you can see, the theme of this JOY-maker is making amends, essentially confessing a wrong-doing and appropriately compensating for the harm committed. Note appropriately: depending on the circumstances, the reparation could be a simple act of correction as an apology or a more involved resolution - the payment of money, return of taken items, and /or actions of repair or replacement, if possible, etc. Sometimes though, a one-for-one settlement just is not available or even possible.
Still, the above stated Step 9 is not a stand-alone action … nor are the other 11 Steps. The entire 12 Steps OF Recovery hinge completely upon each other in order to experience the entire program. Progression through the Steps calls for starting at the first and continuing Step after Step. Timing may vary for different folks and there is no pace that is standard and/or expected.
For Post 183’s message of JOY, however, the focus will be on that often-times dreaded confession and making of amends … accompanied by a personal experience. As previously mentioned, the Steps hang together; and making amends is no exception!
To understand more clearly the context of Step 9 (i.e., actually making amends), let’s take a look at the 5 immediately preceding Steps. Notice how each Step is an action, realistically required to achieve and assimilate healing and recovery.
Step 4: Made a searching and serious moral and financial inventory of ourselves
Step 5: Admitted to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
Step 6: Were entirely ready to have these defects of character removed
Step 7: Humbly asked God (of our understanding) to remove our shortcomings
Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all
You can see how each Step has been crafted, specifically, to be the preceding Step to the one to follow. I think it is safe to say that each Step is complete in its own right AND exactly in concert with the one just before and the one just after!
Seriously, and again realistically, these are BRAVE actions to think about, plan, and put into action. There’s a lot of soul-searching, being as honest as one can be, planning, and sheer determination to accomplish here … and that’s just the groundwork for the next Step: MAKING AMENDS!
Before we examine Step 9, and a true story, I want us to take notice of the basic foundations of the very first three Steps, also. These create the essential – and initial – format upon which to build the following working Steps.
Step 1 sets the scene:
We admitted we were powerless over gambling [and/or other debilitating behaviors] - that our lives had become unmanageable.
Step 2 looks ahead to the restoration of normalcy with the Power greater than ourselves
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to a normal way of thinking and living.
Step 3 has us putting ourselves in the care of this Power: we are not alone anymore!
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Power of our own understanding.
Thus – with ALL of the above preparations – the person is equipped to make a plan for approaching each situation wherein amends are to be made. As you have read, the individual has already (1) called on his/her Higher Power for care during this process – and has asked for shortcomings of character to be removed (2) been honest with another person about his/her shortcomings (moral and financial) and wrong-doings - and has a written list of such actions and persons to be dealt with.
At the onset, I wrote, the reparation could be a simple act of correction as an apology. Actually, making an apology is not always simple! Nor – depending on the situation – should it be simple. These are two very different issues with regard to apology-making.
First, sometimes we can make even getting to the act of expressing an apology quite un-simple. Emotions may very well get in the way:
FEAR (how should I say the actual apology; what if more anger or hurt feelings become provoked because I brought up the subject; I don’t even know why (s)he is upset with me)
THE UNKNOWN (I’m not even sure how to contact the person; what if I have to ask someone how to reach the said person but that individual may get provoked because I’m asking about his/her loved one; it’s embarrassing to keep calling a bunch of people who may not have contact information, afterall)
Second, always saying you’re sorry – but doing nothing to satisfactorily make amends – becomes hollow to persons adversely affected by the individual’s harmful behavior. How then, is the situation different now that (s)he is doing well in recovery and ready to make amends? Moreover, an essential exception to Step 9 is when to do so would injure them or others. Discernment and care need to be applied here!
Then too, positive living in recovery can, sometimes, go before making the amends. Proof by living-example may just be enough for the time being. As consistent recovery becomes reality - and obvious - the expression(s) of apology may fall on more receptive ears, with deeper and more effective avenues of conversation to follow.
AND NOW THE JOY …
Some years ago, Easter was fast approaching and the solemn messages of Holy Week Services were very much at hand. Issues of Confession, Forgiveness, Sacrifice, and Preparation for the Highest of Holy Celebrations soaked my thoughts. (Side note: I always, even as a young girl, was drawn to this sacred week; and I actually looked forward to the three hours in-a-row preachings on Good Friday.) On that very religious day marking the Crucifixion, I sensed a Direction to make a phone call and express an apology concerning a situation of friction that had occurred many years before. Truthfully, the friction had bothered me but over the distance of time, I had construed that should-be-made apology to be a very un-simple one. Yes, once again, I struggled with those above listed fears and the unknown. Yet I knew from where – or I should say from Whom – the Direction (note the capital D) came. No matter how I hesitated – and then hesitated more – the Direction was clear. Eventually, I prayed for guidance and contact information … and that the person would actually answer my call (even though leaving a message might be easier, it was not how my call was meant to be carried out: and I knew that!).
Yes, the contact information was readily forthcoming; yes, the person answered my call; yes, the words for me to say exactly came to me as though they were miraculously on a script before me; and yes, these words overwhelmed me with JOY as I said them and realized how just-right they were for the situation … AND from Whom they were provided. No matter how many years it has been, I continue to remember with over-whelming awe and love that that Divinely appointed call was directed before, during, and after! STEP #3 is perfectly on-point:
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Power …
I will close with the following words of Frank D. Getty.
The message of Easter cannot be written in the past tense. It is a message for today and the days to come. It is God’s message which must re-echo through your lives.
Blessings,
Rev. Janet Jacobs, CCGSO
Founding Director
Gambling Recovery Ministries
855-926-0761
For more information on the IPGGC Clergy/Lay Minister Certification visit:
www.IPGGC.org NOTE: new web address!
International Problem Gambling and Gaming Certification Organization
For more information on gambling disorder and recovery issues, go to:
www.indianaproblemgambling.org
www.masscompulsivegambling.org